i see the light but i can't feel the heat

yes, i complain about boys a fair bit...they sometimes disappoint me. but god did make us to be in relationship with one another...and what's so wrong with wanting a boyfriend? i wish i could say that i enjoy being single, but i simply don't. and i'm not going to pretend that i do for the sake of sounding like an 'independent woman.'

bel understands what i mean.

i have been feeling quite emotionally fragile and just generally not very happy these last few days. i hate writing on this thing when i'm feeling sad, because i sound so ridiculously pretentious--in fact, mostly i do write my thoughts down but i just never post them. they remain as drafts. but jono inspired this one, and then he said i had to name-drop his name very subtly. this is as subtle as i get my friend. ;)

i have this nightmarish essay due on tuesday. i have spent twelve straight hours on it today, and only covered one of three required texts. and, what i have written on that one text is more than a thousand words over the word count allowed for all three. which really, really sucks. and my back hurts something severe. and i'm supposed to be at bel's watching dvds!

i feel like i should stop complaining. on one level, i certainly should be putting others first and not wallowing in self-pity. yet i got contrary advice from wilmo, the poster-child for gentlemanliness, the other night, which was lovely. he was the first of the male species to ever tell me they liked my insides, even though bruised and in pain, better than my outsides. it made me cry like a damn fool. but how wonderful! in his words, why would he want to know only the shell of an m&m when there was chocolately goodness inside? i guess i need to get stuff out occasionally.