it's a good time to blast off to space
steve said this really cool thing on saturday night. something along these lines:
don't be afraid to fall in love. god did, and he got hurt, and he is hurt everyday, but he still loves and never stops loving us.
love freaks me out. i am simultaneously enticed and repelled by it, as a notion and in practicality. i desperately want to feel it, but when i do--or i think i do--i have the biggest desire to crawl under my finding nemo quilt and stay there til the feelings fade. i rarely like a boy. on the one hand, i have high standards and i don't want to settle for anything less than a deep and total love. but on the other hand, my lack of self-esteem makes me think that those few who do meet my standards are far too good for me.
i know that i'm pretty smart, and that i am sufficiently human-looking to get by, and that god has blessed me with talents and passions. moreover, i am in the process of knowing more fully that being a child of god is my complete identity. that regardless of said smarts and talents and physical appearance, i have been clothed in righteousness by jesus' blood. that i am god's workmanship, and though everyday i flee from him into the ever-widening arms of sin, he has rescued and redeemed and sanctified me.
it's one thing to seek after a godly guy. but what do you do when you find one...and find yourself filled with an all-consuming sense of inadequacy?
don't be afraid to fall in love. god did, and he got hurt, and he is hurt everyday, but he still loves and never stops loving us.
love freaks me out. i am simultaneously enticed and repelled by it, as a notion and in practicality. i desperately want to feel it, but when i do--or i think i do--i have the biggest desire to crawl under my finding nemo quilt and stay there til the feelings fade. i rarely like a boy. on the one hand, i have high standards and i don't want to settle for anything less than a deep and total love. but on the other hand, my lack of self-esteem makes me think that those few who do meet my standards are far too good for me.
i know that i'm pretty smart, and that i am sufficiently human-looking to get by, and that god has blessed me with talents and passions. moreover, i am in the process of knowing more fully that being a child of god is my complete identity. that regardless of said smarts and talents and physical appearance, i have been clothed in righteousness by jesus' blood. that i am god's workmanship, and though everyday i flee from him into the ever-widening arms of sin, he has rescued and redeemed and sanctified me.
it's one thing to seek after a godly guy. but what do you do when you find one...and find yourself filled with an all-consuming sense of inadequacy?
painted pretty by alix @ 9:26 AM
3 Comments:
At 5:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
Wow, I totally see where you're coming from. I sometimes think that too - that I know what I'm looking for in a girl, but if I'm to find it, will I feel too inadequate for that person :/
It seems like a bit of a catch 22, and I'm not sure what the answer is, other than that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and there's some hope in that thought in spite of our negative self-perceptions.
At 10:18 PM,
alix said…
i'm all 'who's mark? it's not mark martins, he wouldn't write "negative self-perceptions"'(hehe)...and then i'm like HANG ON, col forum kid!
you're 'tiberius' right? how's it going?
it's nice to know
a.) someone agrees with me
b.) my blog made sense even though i typed it massively fast coz i was late to uni.
:)
At 12:57 PM,
Sarah said…
Definately a catch 22- "completely clothed in His righteousness" vs. "consumed with inadequacy." Ah! The trauma of time and space! Aren't you glad we have someone to turn to in our inadequacy? He is always available.
Like your blog!
BTW: I fell in love, felt completely inadequate, and now have been married for 7 years. I really thought I would either have to remain single, or completely compromise what I wanted in my life. I had to do neither. The Lord really takes care of you. He has fab things in store for you! All of Himself! Can you do better than that?
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