breaking it down

what up mah homie gs just breaking it down, chillin in mah crib, watching the grass grow and feeling thankful for air conditioning and other wonders of god's creation. this space reserved for self-indulgent ramblings and expressions of my pretentious quasi-teenage angst. word.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

i got the blues, brother

ten reasons i am alone:
one. i expect too much.
two. i'm very annoying.
three. i can't trust my own feelings to even know if i actually do like someone.
four. most days, i'm a train wreck loosely disguised by a perky pony tail and some colourful clothes.
five. i'm ridiculously self-involved.
six. i don't own any tact.
seven. i'm impatient as and ruin everything before it has a chance to begin.
eight. i'm too far from the gentle and quiet spirit that a godly guy is looking for.
nine. creation is groaning; everything is out of order.
ten. god wants me to be alone right now.
five reasons i don't like being in like with a boy:
one. it brings out the very worst in me: jealousy, exhibitionism, etc etc.
two. i explode everything in my head and it takes on an unhealthy life of its own.
three. i become ridiculously preoccupied and neglect my relationship with god.
four. it's scary. and besides, boys are stupid and we should throw rocks at them.
five. whenever someone likes me, i don't like them. whenever i like someone, they don't like me. it's a vicious cycle.
one reason i'm being all angsty and dumb:
one. i'm struggling to be content, even though god has given me the secret to contentment.

painted pretty by alix @ 10:40 AM  

4 Comments:

  • At 10:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The secret to contentment... yes... do tell alix, i'd be very interesting to find out what you believe this may be......

    Contentment is not a state of mind or a position. It's the ability to be able to accept that there is something in store for you later, and the patience to wait for the unkown. What is around the Corner. God's mysterious and infinately wise plan..... *shrugs* possibly....

    I don't think you need to be happy to be content... but i think you need to be content to be happy...

    Contentment....It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of
    humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of
    divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145)

    JD

     

  • At 10:20 AM, Blogger alix said…

    philippians 4:10-12
    paul writes this from prison:

    10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

    so, the secret of contentment = christ jesus. it's holding onto that secret and letting it impact your life that's the hard bit.

    please pray for me guys. i'm struggling a bit at the moment...things sorta crashed on sunday, and i'm not very well medically, and my head's in a weird place...and i'm supposed to be studying. thanks.

    love alix

     

  • At 2:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Alix,

    In my prayers gal...

    JD

     

  • At 4:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My Dearest Miss,

    You sound so much like me it's not funny. Well it is slightly funny in its own sort of way :-) I thought one of me was bad enough... but obviously God decided other people had to be cursed with Wilmo Syndrome :-P

    I'm really hoping I can go to Anberlin, cause I can't wait to hang out with you again! It's been far too long. I mean, it's been nearly a whole school term plus the school holidays scince I saw you last. Far too long!

    I still owe you some questions too! And I have not forgotten what you told me about your inward struggles. You're in my prayers Miss... I suck, so I'm glad I can leave you in the hands of the Only One who can heal :-)



    Contentment is found when we are weened from the lower pleasures onto the hire ones. The intoxication one feels from being in like is pleasureable. But to be in a realationship with God is much more pleasureable.

    "Nothing in this fallen world could ever satisfy
    What we can only find in the Lord Most High."

    I really hope you feel better soon Miss Alix! Tests are fun... they last for 3 hours and you never have to do anything again. God has given you so much in the brains department, and don't you forget it! To say anything less than that is to sell God short.

    Grace and peace to you my friend!

    Wilmo

     

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