there must be a door in the back of my head

not only do i have the capacity to believe two completely opposite and contradictory things equally and at once, but it seems now that i am able to want one thing and do things to completely ruin any chances of me getting what i want. consciously.

case in point: i am sitting at my laptop, though my back is aching, though i am tired. i am talking on msn, though i promised myself i wouldn't, though i'm probably going to get myself stuck into four-hour conversations. i am not snuggling under my doona wearing three pairs of socks, though the rest of my fam have tucked themselves in. the repercussions of this? i will not be able to heave myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of nine tomorrow morning in order to start studying for my exam on wednesday. i will be tired all day and unable to think straight. which means i will stress all tomorrow and the next day, and not do very well in my exam (let alone the one i have on thursday). in case you hadn't realised, doing well in these exams is the thing that i want. i do. really. i promise.

and yet
i am totally aware that by staying up and ruining my study plans and my body clock
and therefore
i am totally complicit in sabotaging my chances of getting what i want.


but i do love dnms, even if they're online. i would abolish small talk if i had a choice. and open up my bible in every conversation.