who i am hates who i've been

i wish someone would just sit me down and explain it to me.
why i have a fair amount of clarity regarding other people's problems, but my own make my head explode. why it's so easy for me to see when others need to trust god more, but so very difficult for me to see past me driving my own destiny along this bumpy road, without my Ls, in a car that seems to only have one wheel, in the pouring rain, going in the wrong direction, on the wrong side of the road.

sometimes i convince myself that i'm growing, i'm changing, i'm learning, i'm maturing. into something more than i have been. but then i tip over the half-full cup and it empties out all over my carefully constructed facade, smudging the lines, blurring the pretty picture. and i'm still a sixteen year old punk, no idea and no class.
sorry, what? i'm twenty?
no, i'm pretty sure i'm still sixteen. no idea. no class. wide-eyed and air-headed.

"it'll sort itself out. even though it doesn't seem like it will."
how can i have the gall to suggest this to someone else?
sorry, what? i'm a hypocrite?

damn straight.