breaking it down

what up mah homie gs just breaking it down, chillin in mah crib, watching the grass grow and feeling thankful for air conditioning and other wonders of god's creation. this space reserved for self-indulgent ramblings and expressions of my pretentious quasi-teenage angst. word.

Friday, July 29, 2005

permanent stain

show me the moshpit! says:
bel ive TOTALLY got issues
bel that's all it took, just one look says:
we fully need a boy chat
show me the moshpit! says:
fully
show me the moshpit! says:
come tomorrow and we will fix ourselves
show me the moshpit! says:
and the world
show me the moshpit! says:
and stuff
bel that's all it took, just one look says:
yeah

i'm nothing on my own

i think god is laughing at me playing with my mind tripping my feet messing up my hair smudging my glasses refilling my nail polish bottles letting my purple uni bag eat my phone delaying the trains stopping time speeding time up answering my prayers lavishing his goodness asking me to dance in the rain dance in my room dance on the way home compelling me to laugh as hard as bel when she cries requesting i sing to him or just to the birds making my cd skip a beat or two spilling the ink in my pens directing my hand across the page telling me to sleep more drink more water exercise my body opening my eyes de-cluttering my heart saying alix stop and
smell
the
roses

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

all the cool kids at the back of the bus

i blog when nothing is happening.
when things are happening, i am too busy to blog.

three weeks of holidays passed like the arts football team at eu annual conference. we won, by the way. with a few killer sprints by jacob, and some impressive work by the second and third years in the middle. (it was even impressive to me, and the only thing i know about football is that it involves a football.) sitting in media today, i wrote sparse notes partly in muted disbelief at the fact that i was sitting on a hard, wooden seat in the physics building. physics? yeah, that's my specialty. along with sarcasm. why was i back at uni after only being away for about two days? (the hard wooden bit wasn't that hard to believe.) that's what it felt like. a whirlwind weekend of holidays, and then back at it.

don't get me wrong. i like, even heart, uni. the sitting-in-the-nerd-room-giggling-at-spally's-insane-scatting, laying-in-the-sun-thinking-about-stuff, etc etc etc, part. but when the english lecturer started talking about assessments and showed us the brick that will be masquerading as my english text this semester, my disbelief melted into a serious desire to be cashing in on the beautiful weather...outside a lecture hall. in fact, outside of sydney uni.

ancon was wow personified. or maybe ancon-onified. it didn't disappoint.
~ jesus christ is the church
~ saved by grace, church by grace
~ the best study group i've ever been in
~ rad chats about pentecostal churches
~ some more thought about women teaching in the church
~ made some madcool friends
~ slept less than 14 hours total

the highlight for me was the last night, which spal has affectionately dubbed the night of the living dead. the teaching was amazing, don't get me wrong, and that was definitely the most rewarding part, but the last night was probably one of the best nights of my life. you know when you're so tired it's almost like being drunk? slightly delirious, devoid of inhibitions (in an innocent way)...just insanely happy and crazy and fun, not caring that you are being an idiotic child. it's great. i may have turned twenty two days ago but i'm not going to stop cherishing those awesome times any time soon. so much fun!

i'm a poet:

N ever went to bed
I ntermittedly quoted teen girl squad and blackbooks
G ot some tips on how to tell if a boy likes you, from a real life boy
H angman without the hangman, gibberish hangman, wingdings hangman
T ower of jenga blocks turned into a bridge of jenga blocks

O pps! conditioned a boy's hair with milk...while he was running away from me
F ound a lost drummer out in the cold and pulled up some carpet for him to sleep on

T ried to play spotlight but then...forgot to play spotlight
H ardcore five: esther, mat, sebastian, spal, me
E njoyed some lovely dancing with spally

L istened to coldplay and ben folds five and some bad 80s piano musuk
I watched other people play 500
V ery sneakily stole the science faculty's milk while singing the mission impossible theme
I t was very messy in that room by the morning
N ow and again fell over and sustained bruises
G reat renditions of crying out loud songs and vegietales songs, we did

D evoured a bowl of milo
E ep there aren't enough things that start with e
A lmost fell asleep at about 5.3oam
D saw a stunning sunrise...d


ok, so maybe i'm not a poet.

Monday, July 25, 2005

brat pack

what is more dull than a discreet diary? one might just as well have a discreet soul.
henry channon

Sunday, July 17, 2005

another stupid lovesong

sometimes
you're betrayed by a smile.
an uncontrollable grin
you fight to keep off your face.
you risk revealing something to others, sure.
but mainly
you risk
revealing something to yourself.

does the heart smile on the inside too?

Saturday, July 16, 2005

everything’s a hustle but love

TO [insert own name here],


wow!

exams are no more than a glimpse of foggy scenery from the window of a moving train.
queensland is but a memory of sore feet, good food, creaking hotel sofa beds, shiny themeparks and sparkly views.

i can't believe my last post is a diatribe about exams. i've gotten my mark for history but none of the others are yet available. i'm happy with it. [read into that assessment what you will, hehe.] apart from this numerical reminder, the exams seem rather distant. it's simply brilliant the way things which foster self-doubt and stress, because of the attachment of unnecessary significance to them, are unfailingly revealed in all their insignificant glory as god pushes time forward.

and now i'm in my pjs at my laptop, and nothing has changed. two weeks older, a mere few days until i step out of the teens and into my twenties, but ostensibly no different. no tan because sunscreen is my friend, so no outward change...well, actually, i guess my hair is longer and the colour i covered it up with duller. my head, admittedly, is newly filled with john stott's the cross of christ and the opening chapters of 1 corinthians, and my ears are newly soothed by mae's the everglow.

but i would be lying if i said that i didn't feel a little dejected when i got home and it seemed like nothing had changed. not that i expected it to, really. i hadn't thought about it. i don't feel particularly missed...a feeling due basically entirely to my own over-tired melancholic self-centred need for welcome home baloons and chocolatey proclamations of undying friendship (just kidding--though i'll never turn down chocolate).

meh. good night.


HEART, ALIX


ps. i missed everyone stacks. more than stacks.
pps. please excuse my over-tired melancholic self-centred need to use flowery, pretentious vocab.